Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Same as every morning

Itsumo no asa

A typical Pumpkin Mommy weekday morning

6:30 Curse alarm for going off. Glare at Pumpkin Prince who is sleeping like a baby (heh) and wonder why he couldn't do that at 3 a.m.

6:33 Curse alarm for going off again. Wonder how on earth the Pumpkin Princess can end up sleeping with her foot on the pillow and the rest of her tangled up in the bedroom curtains.

6:36 Curse alarm again and figure she ought to get up if she want to stand a chance of getting to work on time.

6:37 Get dressed, wash face, apply moisturizer. Fill Pumpkin Princess's lunchbox with plain white rice (freshly cooked by the rice cooker, which was set the night before to finish cooking at this time). Make coffee. Make toast. Spread strawberry jam on untoasted white bread for Pumpkin Princess, who calls toast "hard bread" and will not eat it. Peel and cut peaches and place in dish.

7:00 Sit down to breakfast with the Pumpkin Princess and Pumpkin Daddy.

7:03 Hear Pumpkin Prince crying in his crib upstairs. Pick him up, bring him downstairs. Change diaper, try to nurse, find out he doesn't really want to, put him down, have him cry long and loud in protest, pick him up, have him stop crying, put him back down, have him start crying again, strap him on back with baby sling, resume eating breakfast.

7:30 Kiss Pumpkin Daddy goodbye as he leaves for work.

7:31 Forge Pumpkin Prince and Princess's temperature on their "health check cards," a new system devised by the Pumpkin Daycare to prove they are doing everything they can to prevent a swine flu epidemic, I mean, 1) as if it is possible to prevent an epidemic of an infectious disease in a place in which a large number of babies and toddlers are kept in close quarters, and many of them have older brothers and sisters in local elementary schools 2) as if taking temps and checking symptoms actually means anything when the latent period for influenza lasts a couple of days. Mark that they both have runny noses and coughs, and wonder if, since, statistically, most children average 5 or 6 colds a year, and since, as daycare pumpkins, they probably catch more colds than the average children, how many days a year they don't have runny noses or coughs.

7:40 Brush teeth. Discover that trying to apply makeup with a baby strapped to your back is 1) difficult 2) painful 3) rather inefficient because you work up a sweat and everything you've applied will run.

7:50 Write in Pumpkin Prince's notebook about when he nursed and slept and whether he had a bath and any other interesting things there are to add.

8:00 Decide there is nothing interesting to add and realize 10 minutes were spent trying to pretend I am clever. Tell the Pumpkin Princess to change out of her pajamas.

8:01 The Pumpkin Princess announces she would like Frosted Flakes without milk. Ponder the estimated time and energy consumption of 1) refusing the cornflakes and persuading her to change clothes and use the toilet and get in the car to go to day care 2) let her have cornflakes in exchange for a speedy change of clothes and toilet and departure, and opt for the latter.

8:02 Let the Pumpkin Prince nurse.

8:10 The Pumpkin Princess finishes cornflakes. Tell Pumpkin Princess to go to the toilet. Princess refuses to go alone. Compare estimated time and energy consumption of compliance and refusal, and opt for the former.

(TMI alert: Stop here if you are eating. Unless, of course, you are the parent of a pre-potty trained child, or can vividly remember being one.)

8:15 The Pumpkin Princess flushes toilet, washes hands (getting water on the floor in the process), gets dressed, and announces she needs to poop, takes off her pants and big girl underwear, finds a pair of pull-ons and pulls them on.

8:16 The Pumpkin Princess begins playing with her favorite toy of the moment.

8:17 The Pumpkin Princess begins playing with her second favorite toy of the moment.

8:19 The Pumpkin Princess begins playing with her third favorite toy of the moment. Ask Pumpkin Princess if she's done pooping yet. Told no.

8:21 Hear the unmistakable sound of...you-know-what...from the adorable bottom on my lap.

8:22 Change diaper on Pumpkin Prince.

8:22:30 Pumpkin Princess announces she is done pooping.

8:23 Finish changing Pumpkin Prince, wash hands, begin changing Pumpkin Princess.

8:25 Finish changing Pumpkin Princess. Wash hands. Notice Pumpkin Princess's rice box is still sitting on kitchen counter. Close, pack in drawstring bag, and place in backpack. Notice that the folder containing the "health check card" in the Princess's backpack has the Prince's name on it and contains the notebook telling when he nursed. Switch folders.

8:28 Grab Pumpkin Prince's bag containing proper folder with health check card and notebook, six disposable diapers, one trash bag, and 2 bibs, along with own work bag. Tell Pumpkin Princess to take her own backpack and put her shoes on. Put on Crocs. Take bags to car, buckle Pumpkin Princess in booster seat.

8:30 Carry Pumpkin Prince to car and buckle in infant seat.

8:31 Activate home security system and lock front door. Get in car. Realize am still wearing Crocs.

8:32 Go back inside, deactivate security system, put on intended shoes, activate security system, lock front door. Get in car. Open garage gate. Leave for day care. Silently praise self for not losing temper once this morning.


Kalamity K said...

Well, I don't have to cook rice and my kids are older, but all the other stuff: it could have happened right here!

pumpkinmommy said...

Kiki, I was pretty sure anyone with kids could relate. I wonder how the moms who manage go get to work on time every day do it. My current success rate is something like 30%.